“Wabi Sabi is the acceptance and appreciation of the impermanent, imperfect, and incomplete nature of everything.”

Wabi Sabi: Japanese wisdom for a perfectly imperfect life, Beth Kempton

And… start.

It’s something I have come to do since few years ago. And lately, most happenings kept me reminded of that principle. “Settling” is commonly used to mean “accepting less than what we want or deserve”, but, it doesn’t always mean negative. Here I will use it to express my acceptance of my own mediocrity, and being okay with it.

I used to be that person who’s obsessed with “doing things right the first try”. I held myself up to a certain standard higher than what’s realistic. Always striving, achieving, useful, and… “unstoppable”. I live by the phrase “push your limits“.

There are many vlogs, books, articles encouraging and giving us tips how to be highly effective, efficient, productive. There’s nothing wrong with those, but, always bathing in that pool, we could be overstimulated with growth, achievements, and soul-sucking accumulation of things, label, and influence we have on other people. If you ever felt like this, you’re not alone.

I, too, came to a point where I was fed up with comparison, insecurity, and pressure to keep up with everybody’s life events and highlights that I sometimes feel inadequate and unsatisfied with myself and my life. I spent a huge amount of time in delusions of grandeur, and of constant pursuit of becoming “the best”.  Well, some of us are products of our parents’ expectations, society’s unattainable standards, and peer pressure. I’m not sure if this is helpful or not, but I wish I realized this sooner. Maybe it’s also me finally growing up (a tita indeed), and getting tired of superficial pursuits. Now, I don’t want to be known as “pretty” or “famous” or “cool” or anything. I just want to do my own thing and be good at it. I’m more focused now if something is fulfilling, and giving me joy regardless if it looks or make me seem extravagant or not. A change of interests happened and the things I truly long for were revealed to me. Well, not all, but I’m now pursuing life-long fulfillment than temporary fills of my ego.

I got into the hobby of film photography, and got involved in its community. I can say, we’re all gifted with creativity! (throws confetti!) There are many enthusiasts who are soooooo good at it that sometimes it made me question myself, “where do I fit?”.

I cannot stay in that mindset, right? I should strive to be better. But, I cannot always strive as if I have to compete to survive. We can all exist and do the things we love simply because we enjoy doing them. We can be appreciative of others without disregarding our own. And, I can prioritize the quality of my experience over the quality of my output when it comes to doing my passion.

“We can all exist and do the things we love simply because we enjoy doing them.“

Aiyooo. It’s getting long.

I came to the point where recognizing my limitations and flaws does not make me strive for more anymore. I don’t always have to be as good as others, or better. I have decided to be kinder and softer to myself, and in a way turn that recognition to help me let go of unrealistic expectations and my aim for perfection. (It’s unattainable, anyway.) As soon as I embraced that, it’s like I can finally breathe… slowly, not anymore panting and gasping for air trying to keep up with everybody’s pace. I can finally …relax.

Perfection is impossible, and imperfection is the natural state of everything, including ourselves.”

Wabi Sabi: Japanese wisdom for a perfectly imperfect life, Beth Kempton

I have always had this unhealthy ideal of how things should be. Our reactions to things could be partly made up of the ideals we have set ourselves, our sense of rights and wrongs. As a natural perfectionist, it’s challenging for me to allow things– or even myself to fail to keep up to my standards. Embracing my imperfections helped me let go of the shoulds and allow things to be the way they are. Well, the tita in me emerged and slowly found comfort and beauty in letting things be. Just like dried leaves that fall from their trees, there are many things we have no control over.

Lately, I’ve been reading pages from this book by Beth Kempton, and it’s related to my realizations. According to Beth,  Wabi sabi can feel like a yearning for simpler, meaningful, and authentic life. (who are we trying to impress anyway?) It got me intrigued since it’s now what I’m pursuing in life, but what is it anyway? In her book, Japanese people found it hard to describe as it is not a word for something concrete. It could be a feeling, a principle, a way of living, etc.

“Wabi Sabi is the acceptance and appreciation of the impermanent, imperfect, and incomplete nature of everything.”

Wabi Sabi: Japanese wisdom for a perfectly imperfect life, Beth Kempton

Settling with ourselves does not mean settling for less. Sometimes it just involves acceptance of our inability to be someone else. Our flaws does not make us less in the eyes of people who truly matter. Our limitation and imperfection are what make us valuable. So, we can embrace the fact that we, too, are impermanent, imperfect, and incomplete. We can instead start finding uniqueness in ourselves, and at the same time, comfort in knowing that we’re not the only one.

“Settling with ourselves does not mean settling for less. Sometimes it just involves acceptance of our inability to be someone else.”

You may be reading all this fuss about me settling with myself and think I am good at it. Certainly not, and it’s okay. I’m barely even “there”, and guess what? it’s okay, too. We don’t always have to do that “big leap” before we can start to experience change. Sometimes taking those small steps mixed with consistency and support from our loved ones can bring us more substantial progress.

“We don’t always have to do that “big leap” before we can start to experience change.”

Lessons learned the hard way, but, at least I learned. I learned that we can start by drawing boundaries and avoiding what’s not beneficial. As for me, I stayed away from too much social media, and unfollowed many influencers who did not inspire me, but rather made me feel not good enough. I started following art, psychology, and book review blogs. Because we’re not defined by one thing– by status or whatsoever. There’s a universe of interests within us. We can also improve our self-talk and invest in telling ourselves affirmations. You can just think of anything like listing the things you’re grateful for, or if you’re into journaling–that could help you be present, too. The goal is simply to realign our focus and appreciation to things of more value whether it be smaller or simpler things in contrast to what commonly seemed praise-worthy. Same thing with ourselves. We can start by determining what matters most, and usually it’s already inside and around us. We don’t really have to participate in everything this world offers. We can just let go and choose the things we want to be part of. Maybe, slowly, we can be less demanding of ourselves.

What we outwardly push for is often very different to what we inwardly long for. We have come to a point where we need to pause, take a look around and decide for ourselves what really matters.

Wabi Sabi: Japanese Wison for a Perfectly Imperfect Life, by Beth Kempton

We can like pretty things without succumbing to materialism. We can be productive without burning ourselves out. We can enjoy our own thing without the pressure to immediately be good at it or best at it. We can be more grateful by expecting a little less and appreciating simpler, meaningful, and authentic things in life.

Honestly, I realized I don’t need the grand things in life. I can be happily sitting sipping coffee I made while it’s raining, in my pajamas and uncombed hair… with my favorite shawl gifted to me, and without any urge to prove myself to the world. It was liberating. Maybe we don’t really need that much, and just like Beth wrote in her book, we can be “content with less in a way that feels like more“.

Salamat. Thank you. Xie xie ni.